About every 5 years since I was 13 or 14 I've come across some new artist that totally opens my mind to a new way of thinking or being. Some bit of musical therapy. There are other artists that I adore, that I think are amazingly talented (Allison Crowe and Dar Williams leap to mind). But for some reason these end up standing out as a way to positively channel my energy and emotions.

First was Stevie Nicks. I remember hearing Gypsy one day on the radio and just being absolutely floored. I was stunned silent for hours. It was as if the song brought my identity home to me. It brought me independence, understanding, a place to come home to when things were hard. It was the first time I understood that I was who I had to rely on, and that I needed to love myself first. That fear was normal, but able to be walked through. I kept seeking Stevie Nicks songs for a long time after that, and most of them hit me in the same or similar ways. Many still do, and that goes for all the songs that have been musical therapy to me.

About five years later I found Tori Amos. Tori gave me a way to feel. Emotions that had been so incredibly blocked were freed and given voice. If I couldn't give them my own voice, my own words, I could learn through repetition, the way a child learns to read by being read to. Each album tuned me more and more into myself for years. Liquid Diamonds almost broke me. (Sometimes we have to be broken to rebuild.)

Then, in a twist of fate, while at a Tori concert in Melbourne, an Andrea Florian sampler disc was left on our windshield. It was vulnerability, forgiveness, acceptance, and humility in a box. It helped me heal so many relationships in my life. Being able to admit that I couldn't do everything, that I couldn't fix another's wounds, well, that was a lesson I was in desperate need of at that point. And learning that some things are More than I Am, well, it changed how I took on the world, how I looked into the past, and how I related to others in major ways.

And now, heading into my 30's, I've found someone new. We went to see Amy Steinberg at Sacred Grounds (I had an amazing Venus Envy single shake) last night after I heard Exactly on Cast-On and fell in love. I'm not sure it's possible to capture last night into words. I'm still sorting it out. I'm feeling a new sense of community... connection... trust? That has been missing. The crowd was wonderful, and the show was just so vibrant with a very real and present back and forth dialog. I am not a person who makes eye contact easily but when eye contact was made last night I could not look away. I am not one to speak up, but even in uncomfortable situations, I did. There is a quality to the music, and also to her being that I was brought nearly to tears so many times, only to laugh them away. And that is really life isn't it? I am being taught to let go. To listen.

If this is what people feel in church.... I get it now.

She's playing at Press 2315 in St. Pete on Friday. I have a standing Friday engagement so I won't be there, but highly suggest it. You can listen to a lot of her tracks on Last.fm, but the live experience eclipses it in ways beyond words.