I've been studying NVC for years, though never formally (and when my meds are off all thought of it flies out the window). I'd like to one day. But I did pick up a new trick from Elizabeth (one of my favorite people on the planet) this week: using "how come?" in place of "why". Where both indicate the same thing, "why" tends to trigger defense mechanisms (I remember it doing this in me when I was younger, not so much now). "How come" is much more casual and nonthreatening. My endless curiosity prompts me to question a lot, so we'll see how well I remember it in practice, and what the results are.