I read an article the other day that suggested the use of "Please forgive me" instead of "I'm sorry", as "I'm sorry" turns the coversation and makes it about the transgressor instead of the victim. While I agree about "I'm sorry" being inadequate and/or inappropriate, I don't like "Please forgive me" much more. That still seems to me to be about the person asking for forgiveness, and while it has an air of vulnerability, it also is asking for something from someone you just hurt in some way.

Plus it puts the person harmed on the spot. What if I'm not ready to forgive? What if I'm still hurting and not feeling giving? What if what I need right then is not to forgive, but time to repair?

I've pondered alternatives. Foremost in my mind is expressing apology and offering to rectify it, but I'm not sure of the best way of wording that. "What can I do to make it better/make it up to you?" Maybe.

Maybe better than words is just doing something for the person. Not out of guilt but out of a geniuine concern for the person's pain.